I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
