Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
it glows. i had to have it.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize