i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
