I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
