I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
