Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
