Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
