i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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