im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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