That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
