This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
