the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
