haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
