Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
