I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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