at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
