is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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