we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
