yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
