I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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