he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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