the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
