I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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