i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Can I color on your dick again?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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