Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I would ride that face into the sunset
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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