So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
