are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
