Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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