Too much gin, very little bucket
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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