Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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