ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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