You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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