I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
