she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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