Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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