you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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