We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
