Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
third nipple confirmed
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
