I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
