fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
