Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
