Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
