I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
