he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize