so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just pee around me
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
