I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
