he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
this beer tastes like vomit already
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
