You're my little dorito
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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