Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
