Me. At least after what I've been through.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
