Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
