I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
did i just pee glitter
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
