alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize