So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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