Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
