i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i need an iv and a liver transplant
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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