he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
