my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
