He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize