the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
