There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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