So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
