she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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