lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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