in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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