She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
