Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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