Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
