shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
