i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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