Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
