my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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