Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
