shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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