So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
