I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
