Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
